Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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