wrigley field is MILF paradise
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
