Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
