Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
