He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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