ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm too high and old for this...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
