she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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