I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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