Having a random hookup so left but love u
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
