Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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