Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
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