So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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