I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
