I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
