I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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