another moral hangover. fuck.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
