I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
