you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
