Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
