I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
