I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
