I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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