I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
