Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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