lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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