dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
