I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
