Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
