how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize