saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
