Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize