Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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