i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
