she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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