like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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