I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
