Kiss
Puke
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
