I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize