I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
