ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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