i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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