He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
