why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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