this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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