Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
