rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
