dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
