Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
