Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
