He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
