if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
