I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
