theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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