So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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