Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize