Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
