Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
