if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
