if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
