Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
