i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
