sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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