So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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