yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
