Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
