Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There's always time for handjobs
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
