Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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