Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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