Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
