No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
