i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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