I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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