Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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