I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
