i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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