I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
