Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
