ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
