well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
