he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
3 2 1 whiskey
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
