you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
