The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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